What do i want?
Yesterday, circumstances made me start to wonder, wonder what I wanted, because for the past 2 months or so, all I’ve done is to try to sound smart, it’s all been inauthentic, and that’s scary, and it continues to scare me. I don’t actually enjoy writing poems, or do i?, but I was writing poems before that as well, so why does poetry seem like such a burden? To most of you all this is nonsense, maybe it even sounds like i am delirious.
But imagine this, your life relys on validation, every second of your life is like how can i make them laugh?, how can i sound smart?, how can I be worthy of affection?, Because deep down you know you arent worthy, you know that no matter how much you try your inner self wont accept you.
So i said it, I told them, they understood, but now what? What is it that I want, What was i doing the 16 years prior to this?, I remember I asked them a question to which they said you ask very thoughtful questions, yes ive replayed that a 1000 time over, and will continue to do so, yes that was the most validated i had felt in a longtime, and well, that question was simple whats your biggest worldly desire?
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After they answered, I told them mine, which was quite simple: have a family, have someone who relies on me, someone who can depend on me whether it be emotional or physical or mental stress
well in all honesty mamas calling me for food, and ive forgotten the point i was making, so
THE END
(sorry :>>>)
