HOPELESS HOPE
I must admit though, that the reason I am also writing is that I hope that this book assures my future. I have seen many preachers or influencers who decided to publish one or several books and every time I thought to myself: “Surely they won’t have to worry about their income anymore, nor their children.” Because it will be an inheritance they will leave to the next generations. Any time someone buys their book, they will receive money. And there are so many people on earth that this buying process — in my own opinion — won’t ever stop.
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But honestly with the luck I have, or the fate God has provided to me so far, I am almost sure that maybe my book won’t ever be published, or if so then, it will be later in my life when I won’t have any financial care or even years after I’m gone. Who knows, right? But yes, to answer your question, that’s the kind of mindset that I am having at this very moment. Life hasn’t been kind to me lately, so I am losing hope a little bit. But of course, this wouldn’t be the first time I am at my lowest. But that doesn’t cancel the fact that every time it happens, I may feel despair anyway.
Well, I said “luck” and “the fate God has provided for me” earlier. I want to make a point that is unshakable about me. I am a Christian. I have been for the last 6 years. I received Jesus in my life in 2020, during the lockdown, and I experienced Him through the years personally. And I will always be a Christian. My faith is in Him, and I promise you that I love Him very much. The way that I speak may indicate the opposite, but I am not lying. I just decided to be fully me and be true to my emotions in my writing, and I have just expressed it transparently.
Yes, following Christ and being a partner with Him sometimes feels down and desolate. And that is exactly how I am feeling, but it will never mean that God is not good or that I regret being where I am at right now. It is hard, I agree. Hardships come and go in my life, I agree. I speak badly about my experience when I am at my lowest, I agree. Everybody goes through that, right. But it won’t ever take away the truth I have been experiencing that God is good and that He truly loves me.
