Family Planning: More Than Preventing Pregnancy
Letter Eight from Letters of Care
Dear friend,
Imagine telling your partner that you are not ready for another pregnancy.
He does not like condoms.
You keep taking emergency contraception when you can.
Then you get pregnant again.
And somehow, you are the one being asked, “How did you get pregnant?” as if you got yourself pregnant.
This is one of the reasons we need to talk about family planning differently.
sometimes, the pregnancy you are trying so hard to avoid is not years away. You may have just had a baby and still be adjusting to life with an infant when you discover that you are pregnant again.
Yes, you can become pregnant only a few months after giving birth. Ovulation can happen before your first period returns, so waiting for your period before thinking about contraception is not always a safe plan especially if you’re not practicing exclusive breastfeeding.
If you know you are not ready for another baby, be proactive. Talk to a healthcare provider about your options after childbirth and choose a method that fits your plans.
Family planning is not just about contraceptions.
It is not simply about preventing pregnancy. It is about deciding if and when you want to become pregnant, how much space you want between pregnancies, and what makes sense for the life you are trying to build.
Abstinence is the only way to completely avoid pregnancy from sex. But if you are sexually active and do not want a pregnancy right now, there are several contraceptive methods available, and they do not all work in the same way
Maybe you want a baby within the next year or two. You can discuss a method that fits that timeline.
Maybe you want to bond with your partner first after marriage. Or have your first child, focus on career development, build your finances and wait five or ten years before your next pregnancy. A long-acting method such as an implant or IUD may be worth discussing.
Maybe you want something you use each time you have sex. Condoms are an option, and they also help protect against sexually transmitted infections.
Pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding place real physical demands on a woman’s body. Giving the body time to recover between pregnancies can be beneficial for maternal and infant health. It can also give parents more time and resources to care for the child they already have before welcoming another.
There are also permanent options for people who are certain they have completed their families.
The point is not to find the “best” contraceptive method.
It is to find one that fits your health, your plans and your life.
And your plans can change. If a method does not suit you, you can discuss switching to another one when your circumstances, preferences or reproductive plans change, as long as the new method is medically suitable for you.
And perhaps one of the most uncomfortable parts of this conversation is that unplanned pregnancies can sometimes lead to decisions nobody imagined having to make.
When pregnancy is not wanted or cannot be continued, couples tend to consider abortion. Where safe, timely and appropriate abortion care is unavailable, some may resort to unsafe methods, which can lead to severe bleeding, infection, and other complications. Preventing unintended pregnancies through effective contraception can reduce the need for abortion in the first place.
Then there are the myths.
Someone gained weight after starting contraception, so now everyone says contraception makes women fat.
Someone’s period changed, so contraception is blamed for “spoiling” her womb.
Someone struggled to conceive later, so the contraceptive gets blamed for infertility.
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Your friend’s experience is real, but it does not automatically mean you will have the same experience. Different methods have different benefits, side effects and medical considerations, which is why choosing one should involve proper counselling rather than simply choosing whatever your friend is using.
And please, if you find yourself taking emergency contraception repeatedly because your partner does not like condoms, pause for a moment.
Emergency contraception has an important place, but it is not meant to become your regular family planning method.
Please do not take Postinor like chewing gum. 😭
If you keep needing emergency contraception, it may be time to discuss a regular method that works better for your situation.
And family planning is not only a woman’s responsibility.
Yes, pregnancy happens in a woman’s body. She carries the pregnancy, gives birth and often does much of the physical work that follows.
But the pregnancy did not happen alone.
A man can participate by using condoms, supporting his partner in choosing a suitable method, attending family planning counselling and, when the family is complete, discussing permanent contraception such as vasectomy.
I have seen women spend months in hospital after giving birth because they could not afford to settle their bills.
Mother and baby remain on the hospital bed, living in hospital clothes, mosquitoes, interrupted sleep and the exhaustion that comes with caring for a newborn.
Meanwhile, the father may still be going to work, seeing friends, sleeping in his own bed and continuing life outside the hospital.
Eventually, perhaps a social worker finds assistance. A philanthropist pays the bill or someone who gives zakat helps clear the debt.
Then the woman finally gets to go home.
And then, despite everything she has just gone through, she is still expected to go through another pregnancy because her partner does not agree with family planning and still wants sex.
That conversation matters.
Your partner’s opinion matters, but your health matters most.
You deserve to understand your options and make informed decisions about your body and your reproductive health. You should not have to keep putting yourself through pregnancies you are not prepared for simply because you are afraid to disappoint someone else.
Your body is not a group project!
Family planning services are available at teaching hospitals, general hospitals,, primary healthcare centres and private facilities. Some methods or services may be free or subsidised depending on where you live and what is available, while others come at a cost.
If you start a method and something feels wrong, please seek medical attention. Severe abdominal or pelvic pain, heavy bleeding, fainting, fever, chest pain, difficulty breathing, sudden severe headache or vision changes should not simply be ignored.
You can also go back to your healthcare provider if you think you may be pregnant while using contraception, if you have concerns about the rope attached to the IUD, if you feel your implant is no longer in your arm or any other method.
Family planning is not about having fewer children.
It is about having the children you want, when you are ready for them, with enough space to care for them and yourself.
So talk about it.
Ask questions.
Encourage your friend who keeps taking emergency contraception. Talk to your sister who has just had a baby and is already being asked when the next one is coming.
And if you are the woman reading this and thinking, “I really cannot go through another pregnancy right now,” please take that thought seriously.
Your life, your health, your plans and your ability to care for the child you already have are worth planning for.
With care,
Ayinde Mariam
