Personal Diaries — Part 1
In this hectic world, I found some time to talk to me about me. Who am I? a little girl with bigger dreams, I remember a friend of mine told in my university times. Yes may be a face of mine reflects that. What I actually feel within? a child who longs for the things it missed in childhood, a teenager who yearns for a better teen age time, a university student who long for a recognition (First Class) that she missed. I could not figure out who I am for a long time.
Then I gradually start doing things that I missed in childhood. I bought bubbles, I played Ludo, Uno, I danced, sang and etc. I started guiding people to enjoy their teens. I longed for an elder brother or sister that time. Hence, I became one that my younger cousins can count upon.
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I do not know whether its people pleasing or not respecting boundaries of mine. I became available for all. Some really valued my presence. Others took it for granted. I wanted to look into my childhood and teenage traumas that made me this much available.
My childhood is not that much of a fairy tale. My father was not with us since my day 17, he was teaching in a different district. I met my father at the age of 2.5 years. I was raised by mother ( who was away from my father , lost her parents). Then how come I will not be affected by traumas. Now I am thinking may be I might be a bad luck or reason for my grandparents died. Because I am very unlucky that good people leave me early.
Afterwards, another major inclident happened in my life. My mother’s elder sister’s elder son died due to an accident that happened in Inburutty sea during field work centre trip for A/L Biology students. He was very fond of me and I am very fond of him, but around the age of 3.5 I lost him. My mother got affected and myself too. So, in my montessori time I used to tell about him to everyone. But most people mocked me. Now I think I feel too deeply from my childhood as my mother too feels deeply.
My maternal relatives are very fond of me. I was having good time though. Suddenly around 2.5 years, as I was asking for my father. My mother went and brought my father from out district. As I remember I was so close to him. But I got into wheezing soon. Then whole my childhood and teenage were full of wheezing. Even I was bullied for that.
(My story to be continued)
