Let these go
Actor Ben Affleck lost both of his parents this year, just two months apart.
In an interview with GQ, he shared a lesson he learned as he was processing the loss and thinking about his own mortality:
At the end of life, what isn’t remembered or valued or that just doesn’t matter is all the stupid little shit.
Whatever it is, the internecine thing, the work conflict, the petty dispute. The shit we get involved in with ourselves, the little resentments, the time you spent being offended, that shit is just a waste of time.
And so as much as you can sort of let it go, I just think that’s so clearly the way to try to live.
Parenting is also filled with all this “stupid little shit” that we should just let go. Your kid is insisting on playing for a while longer before showering? Let it go. Your wife is mad at you for giving your son ice cream because he had one yesterday? Let it go. Your parents are constantly showing your little one videos on their phones? Let it go.
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Shouldn’t we correct and change things? Sometimes, yes. I’m not advocating for gentle parenting or leaving issues unfixed. But forcing things to change in that exact moment is counterproductive. Everyone gets worked up, and the conflict becomes worse. It’s often better to talk about it when everyone is in a more relaxed mood. In fact, it’s always better to assume they are having a hard day, are tired, or are just really hungry, so they can’t make the best decision. Or maybe you are the tired one.
At the end of our lives, or even right now, we want to see our children, our spouse, and our parents as our cherished loved ones, not as the people who made us angry.
Because, as Ben Affleck said, all that stupid little shit is just a waste of time.
P.S. Want to come back to this later? Keep it in your commonplace book.
