the job you want probably doesn’t exist yet. but what if it does. // 25.9.26
i really really really want this job.
seabird restoration project, overseas.
its the first time i don’t only want a job for the travel. i admire the work being done by the wildlife trust, i find the data fascinating, i feel the pull to contribute. to serve this higher power. i’m motivated by the sculptors’ approach to conservation — never interacting directly with the target species, but chiseling away any threats until it has room to exist as nature intended.
its funny, i remember confessing that ‘i want a job where everything is purposeful, each day brings something new, i’m outside more often than not, i’m in service to nature’ to anyone who would listen. i’d feel embarrassment surface in my cheeks as the silence continued for a beat too long. i’d do it despite my shame. and i’d feel ridiculous all the while, like i was dreaming impossibly, like i was still a child.
but now i know its possible. i know its all possible. and im close — i can sense it. this is no longer a pipe-dream.
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since it’s in arm’s reach, i’ve begun to torture myself.
thinking about the many reasons they won’t hire me,
the few reasons they would.
but i was stopped in my tracks. ‘meu amor, you need to stop negotiating with yourself. let them tell you what they want’.
so as i simmer away, as i wait patiently, i’ll use this as my bay leaf.
it might not be anything special, but the right flavour at the right time makes all the difference.
or at least i hope it does.
because i really really really want this job.
bisous meu amor xx
