What If I Replaced Every Worst-Case Scenario With Its Best Possible Version?
Do you think dealing with the fears and traumas we carry from the past is like repeatedly scratching and reopening a wound that is almost ready to heal?
Or is ignoring yesterday’s wounds and focusing on today just as pointless as trying to fix a crack in a pipe with a bandage?
I’ve been struggling with this dilemma for a while now. And even when I’m not actively thinking about it, I can’t help wondering whether this might be the reason why certain things in my life remain unresolved.
Today, a friend of mine took a look at my birth chart and suggested that I might have some trauma related to my mother or the women in my family lineage, and that perhaps I needed to work through it.
My immediate thought was: I just want to move forward. I don’t have time for yesterday anymore.
But instead of saying that out loud, I asked her: “So, what can I actually do about it?”
She came up with an interesting suggestion: family constellation therapy.
I had already learned a little about it through the Netflix series Another Self. A group of strangers gather, and the person undergoing the constellation chooses some of them to represent members of their family, while others represent themselves. These participants then express the feelings and emotions they experience while taking on those roles.
According to the theory behind family constellations, the traumas experienced by our ancestors can be carried across generations and have a significant influence on our present-day decisions, fears, and behaviors.
If we really are carrying the traumas of our ancestors, it seems I might have to spend quite some time dealing with the past after all. :(
There’s my grandmother, who was beaten simply for talking back to her husband, and who wasn’t even entitled to choose the names of her own children.
Or, without even going that far back, there’s my father asking my mother, after she’d been home for days, why she hadn’t managed to prepare a proper meal.
When I think about these things, the idea of men and marriage starts to look a little less appealing.
Could it be that I’m afraid of sacrificing too much of myself, constantly compromising, and always being the one who gives in? And could that fear be making me hesitant about marriage, even though I say I want it so much?
Perhaps. Because maybe this is the very fear that has been weighing on my chest.
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Okay, so I’m afraid. But what am I supposed to do about it?
Can I simply step aside and tell myself: “No. That was their fate. I’m living an entirely different life today. Their reality is not mine”?
Yes, perhaps I can. But I’m not entirely sure whether that would actually help me overcome these fears.
When I look at my life today, I see a woman who earns her own money. A woman who can travel from one country to another without having to answer to anyone.
Am I doing an injustice to the teenage girl and the young woman in her early twenties who spent so many years dreaming of this very life?
They worked so hard for me to get here. And yet, a part of me is also afraid of becoming that woman who ends up highly successful, wealthy, but lonely.
These fears seem to paralyze my thoughts. They make it genuinely difficult for me to understand what I actually want.
What do I really want?
Do I automatically look for the frightening and negative possibilities in every situation? Just when I thought I was embracing the lucky girl mindset, or at least trying to step into that role, am I simultaneously looking for all the ways things could go wrong because, deep down, I don’t believe I deserve good things?
Isn’t it also a good idea to dream about a beautiful life, imagine positive scenarios, and allow ourselves to picture how wonderfully things could turn out?
At the very least, it’s worth trying.
So, I’ve decided to give myself a little challenge.
From now on, whenever I catch myself imagining a worst-case scenario, I’m going to try replacing it with the best possible version of that same scenario. I’m going to consciously replay that better version in my mind instead.
After all, my imagination belongs to me, doesn’t it? And isn’t it limitless?
Which means I get to write whatever scenario I want.
- from Grace Bloom
