Same Space. Different Me.
Now that we’re thinking positively about new experiences, without a doubt, openness seems to be the key.
But there’s another side to that saying, “In order to get over someone, you have to get under someone.”
Because what also comes with getting over someone is learning a lot about yourself.
Your attachment. Your codependency. Your anxiety. Your patterns. The things you may not have even recognized while you were in the relationship.
You have to spend a lot of time by yourself. And when you do, you start to recognize the voice that’s been talking to you in your head all along.
You realize that so much of the negativity you once projected outward was actually made up of thoughts racing through your own mind. And you believed a lot of them.
You thought about the thought. Then you thought about thinking about the thought. Then you wondered why you were even thinking that thought in the first place.
It’s a lot of power to give a thought.
And that’s been my norm.
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But the space and the quiet make those voices louder. They make me notice them even more.
There’s no longer someone there to distract me. No one else there to help me. No more reassurance to seek or someone to seek it from. No one to blame. No one to, in quotes, make me feel this way.
And that’s a hard thing to sit with.
I cry as I write this, sitting here all alone.
And it hurts. So badly. More than I think I sometimes allow myself to acknowledge.
It’s a new environment, all right.
New environment. Same space. Different furniture. Some of it the same. Reoriented. Displaced. Replaced.
Same space.
Same walls. Same ceilings. Same doors. Same rooms.
But not the same me.
And no you.
