When You Love Someone But Choose to Stay Undercover and Vibing Summer
Growing up as the eldest daughter, falling in love has never been easy for me, and on top of that, I’m a woman. So many things came up before the answer “I Love You Too”. How could people say that so easily and casually after their man confessed his feelings?
For me, answering that question is like giving all my future to his shoulders, and I think I will give him a burden to carry for all his life. Maybe we women think the same things, or maybe not (?).
Being worried about me that I cannot give my trust to someone is really annoying me a lot, honestly. Many kinds of men show up and show that they are interested in me, but why do I feel they are not built for me?
Feminine intuition said Olivia Rodrigo is my favorite musician and that she is a Pisces not even have to hesitate about the lyrics of a Pisces.
Anyway, I have had several times when I take it as a lesson of love. Every woman, for sure, will have mostly 4 phases of love. The first one is meet puppy love, no doubt, every girl has their puppy love story when they were in kindergarten or elementary school.
Everyone has a puppy love at some point. This love teaches me that I can fall in love that deeply and purely without seeing that he has a lot of money or the height of his body (because he is shorter than me). This phase really makes me laugh out loud, but I’m grateful I can meet him at that moment of my life. We ended up because he cheated on me. Small kid, big trust issue lol.
The second phase is meeting the one who teaches you about escaping toxic relationships, not because this is the type of healthy connection, but because this one is the toxic one, so we need to escape, and at this time we learn to love ourselves first. What are the differences between phase one and two, though? It’s different, guys, cause at first phase we are both a boy and a girl, still pure, even though we ended up badly cause he cheated on me, and we were in elementary school though, chill guys. I hope you guys got the point here.
This second one is really shaping you into someone who really respects yourself first before you love someone else. We know how bad things could happen when a man chooses to keep us caged. In my case, I become stuck, questioning myself, not even feeling pretty again cause I’m not even his type. I’ve been there, and this one story really hurt. To get that confident again, you need to make peace with yourself, and this part is really hard and takes so much time to heal.
Get Elyn Pages’s stories in your inbox
Join Medium for free to get updates from this writer.
The third phase is when you meet the person who helps you heal and helps you know yourself better through love, this phase really makes my soul come alive again. Never felt this butterfly era before, as they say, for someone who is really in love. And the good thing is, it’s not just me feeling this kind of joy feeling bless cause he’s feeling it too. In my case, my frontal lobe starts taking action here. I start to think about material things, safety, quality of the bond, and family.
At this point, we will not just be thinking about the love for ourselves, but about the bond between family, which will be counted, and about how prepared we are to build a relationship. Love is not enough. How well we respect and value each other, and how patient and resilient we are with each other’s ego.
For me, the relationship between him and me is not just about giving sugarcoating or how many good mornings and good nights, this situation is beyond that. It’s about how many apologies we’re willing to give to each other, how tender we both handle the situation, even the madness still on top of your head. After we know about that, the question is: is he my real soulmate? Honestly still don’t know. In my case, we ended up having too much difference of vision, family culture, and expectations. We both believe we can’t be bound to those situations
Honestly, I still haven’t found what the characteristics of a soulmate are, or where I can find him. How can we meet? Or when will we meet? Cause until now, I am still seeking my soulmate too, after all this high and low, still no man can get my point in a relationship.
This year I just stay chilled, unbothered with sweet stories about being in a relationship. Hey! What about the Last Phase? Yap, as the title says, when you love somebody, but stay undercover and vibing the summer. Still don’t have the person who will teach and tell me what true love is. I have loved someone, but I will never hesitate to express my feelings that I’m not ready for love again. For now, that person that I love is just not built for me, I have achieved my best version after many nights with blood and tears
Girls! Let’s just vibe the summer and wait for the last part to show up. Just don’t forget to love yourself on the way to finding the one of our lives. As Jennie said, “It’s more than lust, It’s just enough, and all I want this summer is a little bit less than a lover”.
Love
Me.
