Love and Loss

It’s strange. Getting married and believing in myself. My ability to be so likable and to get along with just about anyone. I wrapped up my bachelors degree in Neuroscience with a concentration in Behavioral and Cognitive sciences believing this was only the beginning for my career. A new start for the both of us. It seemed like perfect timing. He got orders and I graduated. Let’s get married and begin a new life together.

It started with a completely new identity. I was no longer a student. No longer a child. My grandmother passed away exactly one month before our wedding, and then we moved to Montana. It was the first time I have ever lived on base. It was the first time being surrounded by active duty uniforms. I felt as though everything I knew and was familiar with was absolutely stripped from me.

The honeymoon phase only lasted a weekend. It was a mini-moon, we called it. The drive up to Montana was really stressful. I was a late bloomer when it came to getting my drivers license at 22 and then my car at 23. I wasn’t going to drive all by myself.

My cousin came with me. He was California Sober — and I really should have known what that meant. I didn’t know he smoked so much weed. That stressed J out. He would be very angry with me and blame me for…