Corona for College Seniors
In many ways, the Spring 2020 semester has to be one of the most difficult hardships I’ve endured in my life. From feeling on top of the world one week to watching the world I’ve known for the last four years crumble the next, I’d be lying if I told you that I was alright. In complete transparency, this semester was painful. As a senior, the only thing we truly look forward to is graduation; to the final words of commencement that grant us permission to flip our tassels from right to left. We look forward to the hugs, the tears, the looks of relief our communities give us because their prayers have been answered. Finally! After three, four, five, and sometimes six years, this momentous occasion is proof that all the headaches, the sacrifices, and the prayers were not in vain. And COVID-19 ruined all of that.
My name is Ian Barrett. I am a graduating senior Sociology major at Morehouse College from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and this is my story. It’s safe to say that attending Morehouse back in 2016 was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in my life. From the first time I stepped onto campus back that April for Admitted Students Weekend, I knew in my heart that this was where I was destined to spend the next 4 years of my life. I chose Morehouse ultimately because of its intangibles. For example, this was the first space I’d ever been in as a Black man where it was acceptable to talk about my feelings with another man without being made to feel emasculated in some way. It was the first place where Black men boasted their intelligence without fear of rejection, or isolation, or retaliation. This institution is not perfect for any means, but for me, it was a home away from home. And ultimately, like most decisions we make, my matriculation has proven to be bigger than me. This has been for my communities, and it has given me a chance to show the world that Black boys and Black men can be more than what we see on the TV and hear in our music.
I’ve never been too much of a fan of social isolation, so this situation took a while to get adjusted to. When I sit still for too long, it gives me too much time to think. Thousands of thoughts raced through my mind. For the first two weeks, most of them consisted of some variations of: “What would this semester have looked like if this wasn’t our reality?” or “Why us? Why now?” And for the longest, I really could not answer those questions. But in the midst of all my complaining and frustration and hurt, I also had to realize how fortunate I’ve been throughout all this. In spite of everything, I’ve still been able to maintain my job, my health, and my family through everything. In spite of all that I felt I was owed from this year and particularly this semester, I still have all the things that are most important to me.
One of the hardest adjustments for me, when this all started, was the idea of building a routine for myself. Without leaving the home, everything felt so free-flowing. Not to mention, for the first few weeks, I had barely had class as professors adjusted to the quagmires that online learning presented. I was severely unmotivated, and I wasn’t alone by any means. Students all over the world, myself included, suffered from the sudden lack of interaction with one another. Outside of classes, everything I did on a daily involved being out of the house in some form or fashion. There were no more activities to plan; no more meetings to get dressed for. Suddenly, everything could be done from one spot using one device. It was a seemingly endless nightmare. To combat this, I spent a lot more time outside the house, even if that meant something as simple as sitting on the patio and watching the golfers across the street from my home. For those first few weeks, I felt like everything I had ascribed meaning to had lost its value, which I had no idea how to cope with.
Now, I look at this situation as a wake-up call for myself. Mark Manson — the author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F**k: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living A Good Life — writes, “The problem with the self-esteem movement is that it measured self-esteem by how positively people felt about themselves. But a true and accurate measurement of one’s self-worth is how people feel about the negative aspects of themselves.” As I continued to read through Manson’s lessons on entitlement and self-aggrandization, I came to the conclusion that I was one of the entitled individuals that he was referring to. But in truth, I am not the only one facing this dilemma, nor am I the only senior who feels that they’ve been slighted. Regardless of all this, I still have obligations to myself, my friends and family, and my future to continue pushing through this series of hardships. Thankfully, I caught myself early enough in this time of stillness to start figuring out how I’d like to come out of the other side of this moment in history a better man.
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Since quarantine’s started, I’ve had more time to actually sit down and get to know myself more. It’s amazing how much of our daily routines we use to distract ourselves from what’s going on within. I guess it’s much easier to make up excuses as to why we aren’t able to deal with an issue because most times, there is no one way to deal with our inner feelings. In the past 9 weeks, I have taken to working out; meditating; reading; reviving my baking business, reaching out more to my friends, line brothers, and family; and overall taking back control of my future. While I am also still working, my work schedule has shifted slightly. Instead of working Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, and Sundays, I now work Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays. Being able to still provide for myself this way has alleviated huge amounts of stress, as it allows me to still interact with people outside my normal circles. On top of that, it is a pleasure to hear the relief and gratitude in our customer’s voices when they realize that we’re still open to serve them.
Throughout my semi-isolation, I have realized there would have never been a perfect time to step away from my responsibilities and grow how I’ve grown over these past few months. Without COVID-19, there would always have been an excuse for something that I think is way more important than it actually is. While my senior year was taken and the time I thought I had was cut short, I’ve also gained more than I could’ve possibly imagined. For example, one new thing I’ve started doing is making daily to-do lists. Through this method, I have been to keep some type of fairly consistent schedule for my days while knocking off tasks I feel are important. They consist of everything from praying and applying for jobs to writing papers and send emails. Another new incorporation into my life is my current plant-based diet and social media cleanse. So often, we feel cluttered from all the things we take in from our environments. By doing this, I am training my mind to work outside the parameters I have known most of my life while also cleansing the idea that I have to operate in the same fashion as everyone else. So far, I have felt cleaner in mind and body, and I am excited to incorporate these practices into my life going forward.
Overall, this journey through life during COVID has been more about the intangibles than anything else. For the first time in a long time, I have been able to ask myself, “What type of man do you want to be?” without shying away from the answers. I am learning how to be honest with myself and face my hardships head-on. I know these next few months and years won’t be easy as we continue to adapt, but it will be necessary to ask ourselves the hard questions if we are to move forward seriously. I am thankful that I have been able to keep myself sane and motivated to succeed throughout these past months. It has shown me that as long as I possess the desire in myself to better or do more, there is nothing or no one that can hold me back besides myself. And when I do find myself standing in my own way, it’s important to be honest with myself, so that I can continue to move forward and be a light for those around and behind me.
