Queer 2024: “I want to talk to you. Without speaking.”
Honestly, going into this film, I only watched for the sole purpose of seeing more of Drew Starkey on screen. Released back in 2024, I have seen clips of Lee and that of him being in a sort of astral projection state while he was reaching out for Allerton symbolizing his agonizing all-consuming desire to connect, even in the absence of physical touch, even without words.
Prior to watching, I had no clue about the film’s plot; I just noticed the theme of pathetic yearning and thought, “I’m in.” I’ve always loved movies. Analyzing, breaking it down, making your own interpretations, passionately writing about it, and the like. This, however, took a lot more, my thoughts were all over the place and I had to parse the film for a day or two to be able to put my feelings into words.The first chapter, where most reviews argue is the ‘’good part’’. I would beg to disagree, the second part of the film was a far more interesting watch. I felt so much more and all the emotions they were trying to convey, even Eugene’s as he was harder to read in the beginning. In contrast to the second part, in small ways we see how he feels through tiny cracks, how he took care of Lee when they were walking around and he was experiencing withdrawals, when he shed a tear after the interpretive dance, the way he never responded to Dr. Cotter saying, “Door’s already open. Can’t close it now. All you can do is look away, but why would you?’’ his blatant choice to ignore and not even look back at Lee, while he was obviously in the same room hearing the same thing. When they left, he was deliberately sprinting out of there, avoiding. Repressing.
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‘’I’m not queer, I’m disembodied.’’ I have yet to understand what he truly meant by that or there is an explanation somewhere I haven’t found. I have been repeating it in my mind since. Like Elio, Elio, Elio, Elio. I want to merge with this film so I can fully grasp all its significance. To fully understand its core. It’s so fascinating to me that I would indeed travel to South America to the middle of the forest just so I could get a little bit more.
It’s a devastatingly haunting film to me, rather than a love story like what Luca has stated. Though, two things can be true. I empathise a lot for Lee while at the same time, annoyed and that’s how I know he’s a beautifully raw character. His obsession to Eugene parallel to his drug addiction, I saw something about the ending where he has supposedly let go of his obsession to Eugene, him looking better, more put together. But I think he never truly got over him. He just accepted it.
All in all, the most evocative line for me, not from the film, but from Luca from the 62nd NYFF, ‘’How they could express love when they are not in control of themselves, when the repression of the possibility of giving yourself to the other is not at work,’’ referring to that scene of Eugene half asleep placing his leg on top of Lee’s when he was going through withdrawals, one of my favorite moments as it was again done at the end of the film with Lee practically on his deathbed. That small tender moment between them, Eugene acting without restraint or fear. Lee stopped shivering realizing what he did. I will never get over this like Lee never did for Allerton.
