Why do we hate women?
In defense of Carrie, Charlotte, Samantha and Miranda
In defense of Carrie, Charlotte, Samantha and Miranda
Like most of Gen-Z I watched Sex and the City (the series and movies) when it came to Netflix, got addicted to it and was comparing all my friends with the four-group of women.
If you don’t know, Sex and the City is a 1998 TV series about lifestyle and friendship between four women in their 30’s: Carrie Bradshaw, Charlotte York, Samantha Jones and Miranda Hobbes. The themes most included were in the title: sex.
Sex and the City was one of the first series to show a woman’s idea of the sex world. Carrie was a journalist with a column about relationships and sex, she used her and her friends’ experience to showcase how sex was like in New York.
The characters were: Charlotte worked in an art gallery, she was the romantic one; Samantha was the independent and groundbreaking one, she used all men for sex and didn’t even consider love at all; Miranda was focused on work and very practical, the rational one; and Carrie was the journalist with messy relationships, especially with one particular man she couldn’t get over: Big.
Sex and the City is a diverse exhibit with many experiences from the perspective of four friends with totally different beliefs, points of views about love, men, sex and relationships. That’s how the show got so many fans, we have four different women portraying how to be a woman, we have diverse conversations viewed by women. We like to compare ourselves to them, in a way we’re all a little bit Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda.
Do we hate Carrie or do we hate identifying with her?
Carrie spent most of her 30’s running around after a man that didn’t think twice before leaving her broken, in their relationship she gave everything and got nothing back (just some little crumbles of love). It was a lot of going back and forward with them, she always went back to him. Miranda tried to talk to her rationally saying she was falling into the same bad habit and the friend was not gonna defend her anymore if a new attempt with Big backfired. It got so tense she even had an affair with him, when both of them were in a serious relationships.
She is also classified as a bad friend, always paying attention to her drama, what’s happening with Big or any boyfriend of hers. She judges everyone most of the time, she sends a boyfriend to help Miranda with a vulnerable problem, she forces Samantha to go to her party even when the friend says she can’t make it and then sends her home because of how she looks after a bad facial procedure.
On the other hand, she is also the one to hold Miranda’s hand when the friend is alone at her mother’s funeral, she helps out Charlotte with everything when she decided to marry, encourages her to get a divorce when things aren’t working out, then helps out again when Charlotte married again and decided to have baby.
She goes to doctors appointments with her friends, she also shows up in important moments (sad and happy ones), she is kind, is unique, gives good advice (for a 90’s sitcom anyway) and is the one who says “It’s comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart”.
Carrie is boy-crazy. It’s also shown in “Carrie’s Diaries” (a spin-off with teenage Carrie) that she has always had two passions: boys and fashion. That carries on with her obsession with Big and expensive shoes.
We can see how Big manipulates Carrie to think he is going to change, he is going to divorce his wife, he’s going to do better, and she believes it because she believes in him.
It’s normal to think men are the center of your universe as a woman, because we are raised to believe that. It’s also very common to believe that “true love conquers all”, just like in Disney movies, the prince always comes to rescue the princess.
So, are we being harsh with Carrie? If we’re talking about today’s relationships, no we are not. But given the time when she was written, it’s very normal to build a relationship with break-ups and come-backs (just like Rachel and Ross in Friends or Lorelai and Luke in Gilmore Girls). This is a way to capture the watcher’s attention to what’s gonna happen, are they gonna be together or not?
Also, it’s not unusual to get boy-crazy sometimes, even when you’re older. It’s normal to think love is gonna win every battle, we’re just realising how to feel in a safe way, so I say it’s okay to make some mistakes along the way.
Carrie is always running for Big, but she is running in heels, well-dressed and professionally succeeded, because he is her achilles heel, just not everything about her is him. She loves shoes, writing and human relationships. She doesn’t give up on herself to be who he thinks she needs to be, she is okay being her, the journalist tries to change, however, at the end of the day, that leads her to think: Am I gonna sacrifice myself for a boy?
Carrie has self-criticism (not much, but she has it), she is just naive and so in love, just like everyone once were or is. She is boy-crazy, she wants to be loved and it’s okay, it’s okay to want a partner and to live happily ever after, even though it’s not really real, it’s a desire we all have. The question is: Are you forgetting about yourself?
Because she has a career, friends, hobbies, passions and is in love with Big. Her love does take her to some dark places and she believes him too much. I hate how they ended up together, just for him to not show up on their wedding day. I actually was relieved when he died, because she could finally live without the weight of their love.
She is too delusional, sometimes self-centered and I can’t even imagine having a friend like that. But in the 90’s that was common, and for that I forgive Carrie. She gave us all the tools and advice on how NOT to be so in love you forget the world around you. So thank you Carrie, you’re one hell of a columnist, I appreciate all your thoughts and questions. And even more are your mistakes.
Why is Miranda so cold?
Miranda is the rational one, she is one who is seen as independent and focused on her career as a lawyer, that’s why it is so hard to see where the narrative takes her. Aschley says “we lost her along the way”, she prioritizes work, but her boyfriend is very childish, “sometimes he seems like a child” Lopes affirms.
Steve, a manchild that is the exact opposite of her, is immature and impulsive. At first, I thought they balanced each other great, but I can see how exhausting it is for Miranda to take care of every little thing because Steve is out there living like life is a playground.
As a friend, she is one of best, she doesn’t judge, even though she is critical when necessary. She is always there for her friends and always puts them first then any boy.
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People judged her as cold and rational, nevertheless she does what needs to be done: she says what she wants and does whatever it takes to get her career in a good place. Miranda is a woman in a male dominant field, she needs to calculate her moves, to be rational and not let her feelings get the best of her.
When she becomes a mother her ‘coldness’ doesn’t go away, she is the same career-driven woman she always was. That’s because she doesn’t define herself only as a lawyer, she is a mother, a friend, a girlfriend, she is all and she shows up to every job with passion and her head in the game.
That seems like a hard job, it seems like it is too much, and it is. Many times we see Miranda complaining how tired she is, how managing everything is draining. She didn’t even had time to do her hair, Samantha had to look her son for her to relax a little.
She has a manchild, a friend that is always in trouble, her career and personal problems. The truth is: Mirand was a mother even before she had a baby, she would have passed through her mother passing alone if Carrie didn’t hold her hand. Nevertheless, her and Carrie are always talking, most of the time about Carrie and her boy troubles.
Miranda is a good example of someone who has to deal with everything and still listen to people say she isn’t enough. She is cold, because she needs to be, she is rational because the way she found to survive in the world of her career with a manchild and a friend that most of times acts like a child just doing what she wants.
She is revolutionary just for being a woman focused on work and wearing corporate clothes, maybe that’s why they paint her as a lesbian in the new series. Miranda is the most “masculine one” and it’s good to see that doesn’t make her different she still has feelings and loves her friends.
She apologizes to Charlotte when she got pregnant and her friend couldn’t, she is successful at her career and doesn’t judge Samantha, no matter what she says. The lawyer is a passionate person, she has a lot of feelings, she doesn’t share many of them because she knows that it can be weaponized. I can conclude that Miranda is not cold, she is just careful with words and actions, she is rational because she needs to be, she takes care of everyone all the time, but when do they take care of her?
Miranda has people who love her back, her friends and even her boyfriends, yet she is not very vulnerable with them, she just explodes from time to time just to show us she feels something. Is she cold? I don’t think so, I believe she has too many plates to hold and can’t doesn’t view the real weight of being there for everyone everytime.
Charlotte: daydreaming or just setting up goals?
Ashley Lopes says Charlotte “knew what she wanted and went after it”. Still, Charlotte York is often described as a spoiled woman who only thinks about her Prince Charming. But how it’s that a bad thing? Let’s talk about it.
Charlotte is a rich woman who works with art and it’s the most innocent of them, she believes in true love and that the right guy will marry her. She also dreams of being a mother, a traditional woman.
She got her husband in the third season, however they didn’t end up together. Charlotte ends up falling in love with a guy that is not what she imagined at all, he’s viewed as an ugly and failed guy. For some it may seems like she didn’t get her fairytale, but that’s not the point.
Charlotte learns a lot in her first marriage: she learns the value of her work and how to value herself — “I’m worth a million” she says to her first mother-in-law. She learns that love is not the only thing that sustains a relationship and how not to label herself as a divorced woman. Lopes says “she changed after the divorce”.
Even though she struggles, she doesn’t define herself with only one thing. She is kind, loyal and is always there for her friends. She judges Samantha a little, however they always come to terms, that shows how much of a friend she is. Samantha is the opposite of Charlotte, but the romantic one is always happy for her friend.
One of the most interesting thing about Charlotte is that she got what she wanted, even though she didn’t go through the path she supposed was best, she believed she could find someone to love and she found love, not only in her friends but in her husband too.
Charlotte got the love of her life in many ways more than romance and she knew that, that’s why she apologizes for Samantha many times, shows up for Miranda when the lawyer is pregnant and listens to Carrie talk about Big more times than I could count.
It is easy to say independence is important, but it is so difficult to find someone that can love and not give up her independence, Charlotte can do this. She is romantic, she wants a marriage, she is in many ways conservative, nevertheless she is also very careful with her friendships, and is always there for her girls.
She gives up her job in the first marriage, after divorcing she knows the mistake she makes, but doesn’t blame herself for doing it. Charlotte is the perfect example of growing and prioritizing love, no matter what kind it is.
What’s independence anyway? Does Samantha knows it?
Samantha is the opposite of Charlotte, she sees boys as playtime and is very sex-driven, she is also very adventurous. Most of the time, people see her as the more modern girl, I think she is a good example of how being sex-driven can mine your independence too.
Samantha is always looking and talking about sex, just as many times Carries talks about Big and Charlotte about marriage, that means sex holds a big part of Samantha’s character. It almost looks like sex is her whole life.
Samantha doesn’t judge her friends, she is judged, yet most of the time she is talking about sex. One time, she even gives up helping Carrie to have sex with a good looking guy. Samantha is always with a guy and even if it’s casual, men are a big part of her life.
Don’t get me wrong Samantha is a good example of independence, however she is not the perfect one — because that doesn’t exist. And that’s what I learn writing about so many women and talking to so many people: women are flawed but our society is always judging.
It’s the same with Samantha, all her friends know her, they know she is free and sex-driven, nevertheless they still judged her for every little thing she does.
Do I Love Samantha? No. Do I believe she is the perfect example of independence? Also no. Still I believe she is a groundbreaking character for the 90’s and teaches a lot of women about owning their desire.
Sex and the City is an amazing show about four different types of women and all four of them are judged by society and in the show. The TV series illustrates how women can never do right for the public eye, there is always something to point out in our body or personality.
Nevertheless, the series can also shows how female friendships are important for us, how united we can go through any problem. We see they getting married, having kids, going through break-ups and relationships and what keeps them grounded is their friendship.
They can go through anything, their friends are there to listen and help as they can, they are flawed, but they are human and they are loved as they are. That’s the most beautiful thing, it’s not about sex or New York, it’s about four women being there for each other and loving each other as they can. It’s about their friendship and love for each of the girls, that’s what saves them every time they fall. That’s what should help us, having a safe space to talk and make mistakes, having female friends to call home.
