What was
Six years of wishing
The other day I ran into someone I once loved, I Hadn’t run into him in months. He was the first boy I loved and I’d liked him since forever. Randomly bumping into him was seriously a crazy sensation. It’s always a big what if to me, we didn’t work out but could have.
Anyways back to it, I saw him and was shocked. We do live in the same town so I shouldn’t have been so shocked. He was dead smack in front of me because of the narrow path and I was hit with this big wave of nostalgia because keep in mind I’ve known and liked this guy since eleven years of age, And were grown now.
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But the nostalgia of every birthday wish, every shooting star and every dandelion washed over me, and all of a sudden I was a shy little girl using up every wish on a shy little boy. I used six years of birthday wishes on him. He was exactly the same yet entirely different. And for a minute we just paused and stared at each other and it felt like it was before, that was when reality snapped into play.
Then I remembered how now isn’t like before and it never will be, you see he has a girlfriend now. So I looked down at my feet and ran off because there was nothing there I wanted. I let go of whatever hope was clinging to me and sacrificed the conversation we could have had.
He was a huge part of my childhood but that’s it, that’s what was. We had always been back and forth and on and off but I knew the exact moment we were really done, and I felt the end before it was over.
When I “lost” our connection all that time ago I truly lost myself. I feel like that’s why people tell you to find yourself and grow up before immersing yourself in another person. Because growing with someone is to be reliant on there identity.
I brought back my spark and feel like myself again so we could never be the same anyways because I don’t need him anymore, whereas he is the same as ever and that’s why even finishing year of high school he looked for my validation.
