Opposites Plan a Party
A sorta fictional short-short story
People have said, “You two are still together?” We’d seem like the couple most likely to divorce, yet here we are, largely because of inertia and fear of a painful, expensive extrication.
And here we are at yet another Christmas. We avoid thinking about our non-relationship by throwing parties. We’re not bad at that despite our differences:
Let’s start with the basics: She loves parties, I hate them. I like the planning but at the party, as soon as politely possible, I signal I want them to leave, for example, I’ll start cleaning up and thank people for coming. She’d make it an all-nighter.
I’d cater at Trader Joe’s. She hired La FrouFrou.
I’d decorate with a couple of paper cutouts — She’s hired a party decorator.
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I’d invite two people. She’s inviting 42. She said, “Don’t worry, only 20 will show.”
I’d want peaceful music. She wants a Christmas nightclub. I did convince her not to hire a DJ. “Alexa will be fine, please!”
I’d try to get all the preparation done in a half hour, nary a procrastinating moment. She’d dilly and dally until she manufactured hysterical franticness.
At the party, I’ll pour champagne and hand out hors d’ oeuvres, so I needn’t talk with anyone for long. In contrast, she will have conversations appropriate for therapy sessions, with added giggling.
If I welcomed the group at all, it would just be to thank them for coming. She’ll do a monologue worthy of Jay Leno, of course, chirpy positive about 2025 and an even better 2026. Hah!
I just can’t wait to plan New Year’s.
Dear reader, at the fraught holidays and beyond, how will you address core differences with your partner?
I read this aloud on YouTube.
Marty and his wife do throw parties, including Chrismakuh, but will less rancor, well, somewhat less rancor. His books include Relationship Stories. You can reach him at mnemko@gmail.com
