Is It Okay to Forgive Him for Not Loving You and Still Wanting to Be With Him?
After 16 years of neglect and being ignored, I finally decided to separate. But it was never easy to come to this decision.
I spent all those years thinking he would eventually choose me, respect me, care for me, and pay attention to me. I kept hoping things would change, but they never did. Instead, things only got worse.
Sometimes, I wonder why a man who has a woman who is smart, beautiful, and loves him so much fails to appreciate her. Why does he take her for granted? Why does he keep choosing to ignore her?
Why is it so difficult for a woman to keep her man happy?
If she is slim, he is not happy. If she is chubby, thick, or fat, he is still not happy.
Sometimes, I wonder if what makes him happy is seeing his woman stop looking after herself because all her attention goes to him, his family, and his children. Perhaps it gives him satisfaction to see her so invested in his family that she slowly forgets herself.
Perhaps seeing her put on weight makes him feel secure, believing she will never leave him, even if he stops looking after her.
But the moment she starts taking care of herself again, everything changes. Suddenly, she is selfish. She is a bitch. She only cares about herself. She has no shame.
These are the things I have experienced with him.
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Since I decided to separate, he has never stopped me from leaving. Yet, he continues to tell me that he loves me.
But he does not support me financially, physically, or mentally.
And that is what confuses me the most.
If he loves me, why doesn’t he show it through his actions? Why does he say he loves me but leave me feeling so alone?
Sometimes, I still wonder if I am doing the right thing by leaving him. Am I the bad person here?
I feel guilty about moving on. I feel guilty about dating someone else. I even feel guilty for thinking about myself and wanting a life where I feel loved, respected, and cared for.
After 16 years, why do I still feel guilty about choosing myself?
Is it because I have spent so many years hoping he would change? Is it because, despite everything, a part of me still loves him? Or is it because letting go of someone you have loved for so long feels like admitting that all those years of hoping were for nothing?
Is it wrong to forgive someone for not loving you the way you needed to be loved, and still want to be with him?
And if I still love him, does that mean I should stay?
Or can I forgive him, still love him, and choose to leave anyway?
