Quiet Shifts 8
Between the Inner and the Outer
The changing weather in Delhi calls for a whole wardrobe shift. Winter is approaching, which means putting away summer wear and taking out the woollens.’ That’s usually two days of a ‘monotonous’ exercise-at least it feels that way-folding, taking out, putting away, organising…
It takes me back to my exam days. Before sitting down to study, I would first clear my study table, arrange the books, keep an alarm clock, have stationery ready, writing board, time table, highlighters, sticky notes and note pads. Only then, would I begin.
The external act of doing each of these somehow made me slow down, and deliberate over each action… the repetitiveness bringing in an almost rhythmic meditative state. It helps me calm the mind, sometimes stilling any upheavals. I felt comforted, as though I laid down a burden. There was a lightness and a level of clarity in the mind…
I wonder how these actions helped bring such a shift in my mind…
There is truth that the inner world determines the outer world.
When you are able to reflect and understand your thoughts and experiences, and your patterns of behaviour, your emotions settle, something begins to shift in us. One can gently calm the mind through meditative practices, reflection, and healing. And thus, you understand the outer world, your relationships better and perhaps see the larger picture.
I have seen this in my own experiences.
I realised that even though the situation did not change tangibly on the outside, something in the way I related to them underwent a shift. There seemed to be a little more breathing space between what happened and how I could respond.
Emotions that were previously overwhelming begin to settle…like sedimentation. No fighting my thoughts or pushing emotions away. It allowed things to be, and perhaps, as they do, I began to see more my choices and my circumstances clearly, and quite differently.
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Yet, I have also found that ‘knowing’ and ‘understanding’ something about a situation does not automatically get translated into practice.
Sometimes I understand exactly what needs to change. I have reflected, gained perspective, may even know what a healthier response would look like. Yet, when it comes to translating that understanding into action, I find resistance in me. Understanding something intellectually or emotionally is not the same as having integrated it into my way of being.
I understood the importance of boundaries, for instance, but often found it difficult to communicate one. During my years at school, I knew that I needed to slow down, but I found myself rushing through the day, trying to get everything done, neglecting my needs to rest eat sleep etc
This is where small, tangible modifications in my ways became incredibly meaningful. Instead of waiting for a complete overhaul of life, I took manageable steps.
Organise one shelf, make that one phone call, have one difficult conversation, set aside fifteen minutes for something I have been postponing. Like my cupboard cleaning moments…order in the surroundings brought order in my mind.
I found how by taking small steps, I felt a sense of movement, a possibility. On many occasions, these became habits and a way of being, which led to a larger and more dynamic change in my inner state.
But having said that, there is much power in the unfolding that happens inwardly.
I have worked with my mentor towards transforming some relationships by working on my inner self. And those have been powerful moves. At work, and in my personal life, I have been able to bring about significant changes in my being, with her guidance, particularly during those moments when the barriers in the relationship seemed insurmountable.
There were two things that helped me at that time: my faith in her and my willingness to work on myself, wanting that transformation, wanting to see the bigger picture.
But yes, there were times when I found it really hard, to turn only toward myself, look inward with such honesty and transparency, examine my vulnerabilities and to acknowledge how I may have added to the difficulty and to look beyond the immediate hurt and anger.
Self- reflection can be deeply uncomfortable, seeing parts of you that you would rather not see. And yet, that honesty is valuable. And with a guide like my mentor, I was able to do it.
I have also noticed, that after spending time in such deep introspection, I often feel the need to step away from it. After ten or fifteen minutes of examining an experience, revisiting memories, vulnerabilities, decisions and emotions, I like to do something quite ordinary. Take a walk, arrange something on a shelf, read something light. It is almost as though I need to return to the familiarity of everyday life after having travelled so deeply within myself. Perhaps the understanding that emerges needs space to settle to find its place in me. It is not about more thinking, but simply being.
All these experiences made me look at the relationship between the inner and outer world differently. Perhaps, they are not two separate entities, with one simply determining the other. They affect and influence each other. Sometimes we need to turn inward, reflect, understand and heal before we can respond differently to the world around us. At other times, changing a little of the outer surroundings helps the inner settle.
