Put a Baby in Me: Part 9
I went in for my second IUI. I decided to go alone to the appointment this time. I’m not quite sure why, I just felt like I didn’t need or want anyone there with me. My mom and my best friend both offered to go with me, but I told them both that I was okay going alone. The appointments are pretty much always on the fly because it depends on the timing of my ovulation. It’s kind of a trip watching my ovulation test strips get darker and darker in the days leading up to a hormone surge. Knowing that my body is producing hormones and an egg that is microscopic is crazy to think about; these tiny things that can make such a giant impact. I’m three days out from the procedure and I don’t feel any differently. I know what you’re thinking, it’s impossible to feel any changes three days later. I’m going to bet on my gut and assume that I’m not pregnant, just like last time, but I still have hope.
One of the shitty parts about this is that I’ve been advised to “act like I’m pregnant”, which means no raw sushi, no deli meats, no THC or CBD products, and not hot baths, to name a few. The last time I went in for an IUI and was told that I should behave like I’m with child, I had an immediate craving for sushi, a sub from Jersey Mike’s, and a hot bath. The hot bath is particularly rough because I like to take one on most weeknights as a way to unwind after a long day. I was telling my best friend about it, and she asked why I couldn’t take a bath. I did some research and found that being submerged in any water that raises your body temperature is bad for a zygote. I told her it was “like cooking eggs inside of me”. As for the sushi and subs, I can refrain. It’s just that, once someone says I can’t do something, it kind of makes me want to do it more. This time, I wasn’t particularly bummed about the things I can’t do (except the baths). I’m trying to not think about it, and just moving on with life. I will say, though, not being able to take any weed gummies at night for sleep has sucked because my TMJ has flared up again.
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Another thing is that this IUI was a little easier on my body than the last one. Last time, I had some decent spotting and cramps for the rest of the day, with the spotting lasting until the morning of the next day. I also felt nauseous and headachy for a couple of days. This time, I was a little sore, but no spotting or cramping. I don’t know if this is a sign of anything, or if it just means that my body knows the process. Maybe the nurse practitioner I had this time had a more gentle touch? Again, not overthinking it.
The last thing that’s tough is waiting for two weeks to pass before I can take a pregnancy test. It’s like when you’re a kid and you see your Christmas present under the tree. You know it’s there, you don’t really know what’s inside, and you’re dying to open it, hoping that the gift you wanted waits underneath the colorful wrapping paper. Last time, I got a stocking full of coal with an early period and a negative pregnancy test. It was really disheartening to know that it didn’t work.
I feel like I’m so close to the end of this chapter, and I’m just waiting for it to end so I can move on to the next chapter. You know that scene in Poltergeist when the mom hears her kids screaming in their bedrooms and she needs to run down the hall to get to them? In that scene, the camera angle changes so the hall looks like it’s a lot longer than it is. That’s what this point in the process is like. The hallway is getting longer, my dreams seem like they’re further away, and I’m trying to run towards that closed door so I can burst through it onto the other side. I’ll stop with the analogies; I’m just trying to paint a picture. So, a handful of days after Thanksgiving (my favorite food holiday), I’ll be taking another pregnancy test. I’ll be hoping for the best, but as usual, anticipating another let down.
