How Can I Introduce Pegging to My Conservative Partner?
This is the question asked the most in the emails I receive, on the subreddit I moderate (r/straightpegging), and everywhere else I travel on the internet where folx are talking about pegging. Sometimes other bits of info are offered, like the ‘conservative’ part, or perhaps previous sexual play. In forums, people who are already pegging will respond, wanting to be helpful. Many times they offer the suggestion of simple communication. ‘Just ask them’, or ‘use your words’ are frequent recommendations. They might even include gentle chiding that the asker needs to learn better communication skills or have more courage.
I must say I disagree! Acknowledging that there is no one way that is the best for everyone, and also acknowledging that sometimes the simple direct request absolutely works, there are still so many misconceptions and myths that people believe about pegging that it can be a risky roll of the dice. That is why the question gets asked regularly! Receivers are usually (but not always) the ones asking, and they are well aware of all the assumptions people have about pegging. Hence, crowdsourcing the question.
Times are changing (yay for change!), and pegging is becoming more and more accepted as a normal sexual activity to explore, but society still has a ways to go. The age of the participants can affect attitudes. Generalizing, the younger they are, the more open they might be to the idea. Older people’s misconceptions can be ingrained and harder to let go of. But anyone raised in a conservative/sex-negative/religious atmosphere is likely to believe falsehoods about pegging.
There’s Always a Risk
In short, it is a question that can be fraught with risk. The more sexually open-minded your partner, the more likely they will respond positively. However, depending on how invested you are in the relationship, consider that simply asking them straight out might blow up the entire connection. It happens. I get those emails, too.
I think it’s easy to give advice of ‘just say it’ when you’re on the fun side of that particular crossroads. You were there once, and maybe you asked directly, and it worked. Now you’re having fun, and you want to encourage others to do the same and join in the fun. But your situation may be vastly different in a myriad of ways from the person who is now asking the question.
No one way works for everyone, but I believe the best method is to make sure your partner knows what you are asking for and equally important, what you are not asking for! This is the time to dispel myths and misconceptions, and offer accurate information.
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Here’s the thing. A hopeful receiver who is being vulnerable enough to ask for pegging may find it difficult to respond calmly and stay composed if their partner throws myths and misconceptions in their face, and perhaps even shames them.
A Little Help to Introduce Pegging
If you feel like you need a little help, I recorded a couple of podcasts.
These recordings address all the usual fears and misconceptions, offer accurate information and emphasize the relationship, not trying to convince. You need to listen to it first before playing it for your partner, because only you can decide if it is appropriate for them. If you decide to play it for your partner, it is best to listen to it with them. Don’t assign it as homework or just send them the link.
Good luck!
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