Therapist Threatened With a Weapon — Callous Police Don’t Care
Crazy Woman Removed From Kripalu After Brandishing a Weapon
Disturbed Woman Removed From Dying Mother’s Bedside After Threatening Staff
Woman Suffering From Bipolar Disorder Fired After Refusing to Seek Treatment
Mentally Ill Woman Trespassed From Spark Central For Harming Patrons
Woman With Borderline Personality Disorder Expelled From Simmons University After Breaking the School Code of Conduct
Manic Woman Taken to Hospital For Her Own Protection
Journalists, attorneys, and therapists are bound by the same code of ethics as the rest of us, but when certain professionals behave in unethical ways, it tends to do a lot more damage to a lot more people. The greater our power over others, the higher the bar for behaving in ethical ways.
When we write or speak to an audience, we are wise to consider the intent of our message. Words matter, and the way we assemble our words to create impact can be the difference between enlightening and manipulating, teaching and controlling, revealing truths or spreading lies.
A great rule of thumb for people wanting to behave in ethical ways is to ask ourselves these three questions.
Is it true?
Is it kind?
Is it helpful?
If the answer to any one of these questions is no, we should probably rethink our messaging.
Let’s talk about the headline in the title as an example since it corresponds to an actual story that is currently unfolding. Perhaps writing about the unfinished story will encourage the individuals involved to work towards a happy solution for all.
Therapist Threatened With a Weapon
Is it true? No.
Is it kind? Irrelevant. Kind to whom?
Is it helpful? Not at all.
Callous Police Don’t Care
Is it true? No.
Is it kind? No.
Is it helpful? Not at all.
What is the truth in this story? Here are the facts: Therapist X has accused a former client Y of threatening the therapist with a weapon. In the space provided asking “what type of weapon?”, therapist X hand wrote in “threatening text messages.”
Most people reading this probably think that part of the story is made up. Could a well educated therapist really consider a text message a dangerouos weapon? Would they be foolish enough to file for a restraining order containing HIPPA protected information that falsely paints the client as mentally ill while identifying “threatening text messages” as the weapon of abuse? It feels beyond absurd that a trained therapist could be so clueless (and so cruel), and yet truth really is stranger than fiction.
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me.
We are all well aware that words can in fact hurt, and threatening words can hurt a lot, but only if the person saying them has power. Without power, our words can’t be threatening even if they sound super nasty.
“Go away. I hate you!” has an entirely different impact depending on who is saying it. Context matters, a lot.
Child to parent? An immature attempt at a boundary.
Parent to child? Abuse.
Client to thearpist? An immature attempt at a boundary.
Therapist to client? Abuse.
“Please stop emailing me about XYZ or I will block you.” is always a boundary. Unlike barriers, boundaries are clear, direct, and actionable. If we don’t make our boundaries clear to other people, and if we don’t follow up on our words, then it is our fault if they continue the unwanted behavior. As mature adults it is our responsibility to make our boundaries obvious. It is not the responsibility of our children, clients, students, employees, or patients to guess what our boundaries are. As the person with the power in a relationship, we must set an example if we want others to follow our lead.
Filing a restraining order against someone for sending emails or texts is always abuse, especially if it is done by a therapist who has not set a clear boundary with their client or former client. It is common knowledge that people without clear boundaries are incable of respecting the boundaries of others. It is also clear that most people without boundaries are very harmful. Therapists, attorneys, professors, and presidents without clear boundaries are downright dangerous.
When therapists invite clients into codependent relationships to feed their own egos only to turn on the client as soon as the client attempts to set a boundary, the professional is revealing their own fear and ignorance. Ignorant professionals who practice from a place of fear cause untold suffering to themselves and to everyone they come in contact with. Such professionals need to be retrained or sanctioned if retraining is unsuccessful. Such therapists should not be working with any clients, much less vulnerable children and adults involved wtih Child Protective Services or Adult Protective Services.
There is a good reason children and adults alike fear first responders, therapists, and social workers. It’s rare that the real victims of abuse see their day in court. Far more often than not, when we try to follow the rules, we are harmed by the people tasked to protect us. If we don’t watch out backs, our children are taken away, our abusers are enabled to abuse us into oblivion, our elderly parents and our children are mistreated, our families and communities are driven apart as fearful people turn on other fearful people in a desperate attempt to escape the abuse by the real oppressors. The real oppressors are representatives of our hopelessly broken systems — all victims of abuse themselves who don’t recognize who the real abusers are.
Ethical police officers and compassionate social workers are constantly caught up in ethical dilemmas — protect the victims or protect their jobs, protect themselves and their families or stand up for justice for all, tell the truth and risk retaliation or go along with the lies and destroy hundreds of lives.
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Police are under the same obligations as all other people with power, but since the risk of harm is so much greater, they need additional training in human behavior and ethical responses to people reacting from a place of terror. Crying wolf has a lot more significance to a police officer than it does to most of us. They witness people crying wolf from a place of fear on a regular basis. When police officers are unfamiliar with the ramifications of psychological abuse on victims, they risk arresting, sanctioning, or killing the wrong person in a dispute.
When a police officer responds to a complaint of “threats with a weapon” they need to know what the weapon is so that they don’t pull out their guns if the weapon is a slingshot — or a text message. When it is an abusive father crying wolf against his wife or child who has snapped due to the ongoing complex trauma of psychological abuse, it is bad enough, but when an abusive therapist cries wolf, their victim has almost no recourse for defending themselves.
In addition to falsely claiming “threats with a weapon,” therapist X also made these observations about client Y on the request for a restraining order:
“Y has a history of suicidal behaviors and a suicide attempt.”
“Y has a history of relentlessly harassing other professionals.”
Let’s use the three questions to evaluate these allegations.
Are they true? Yes and No (context matters!)
Are the kind? No.
Are they helpful? Not at all.
Y’s suicidality has zero bearing on this case. Therapist X is exposing her own lack of ethics by even mentioning her client’s mental health status in her bogus claim of threats. A competent therapist would understand that a client’s suicidal thoughts increase drastically when their confidence is betrayed by a professional. Mandatory reporting only applies to imminent threat. Without imminent threat, a therapist has an obligation to maintain a client’s right to confidentiality. Texts of any kind, threatening or not, do NOT pose an imminent threat, and therapist X is well aware of that. So are the police officers required to waste time processing and serving these abusive claims by unethical professionals. They are as sick of it as the victims are. Multiple first responders have told me how frustrated they are with fallacious claims made by the perpetrators of abuse. They make excuses of “just doing my job,” but if they were really courageous, they would advocate to change the systems that are causing all of us so much harm.
Therapist X knows she doesn’t have a valid claim of abuse, so she has to go fishing for ways to dehumanize her former client to support her false claims.
As for the “history of relentlessly harassing other professionals:”
- How does therapist X know this information unless she has been talking about her client behind the client’s back?
- If she knew about the history in advance, why did she agree to work with the client in the first place?
- If she discovered the history of harassment while in a five-month intensive relationship with the client, why didn’t she work with the client to change the unhealthy behavior patterns?
A therapist can’t have it both ways. If anyone wants another person to be vulnerable with them, we must ensure confidentiality and establish trust. Once a person has revealed their own private pain, it is our responsibility to respect their privacy and maintain their trust. The VAULT in Brené Brown’s BRAVING model describes the importance of this trust.
BOUNDARIES, RELIABILITY, ACCOUNTABILITY
INTEGRITY, NONJUDGMENT, GENEROSITY
Therapists who reveal their client’s suicidality purely as an attempt to paint the client as insane are following the nasty behaviors of all oppressors — make the victim of your abuse look crazy and dangerous so that you can play the victim. This behavior is referred to as DARVO by Dr. Jennifer Freyd, an expert in coercive control (psychological abuse, cultish behavior).
When mental health professionals don’t understand the ramifications of their own tendencies to deny and counter-attack, they display a pathological propensity to abuse their clients despite the obvious adverse consequences to their victims and to themselves. It’s similar to a heavy drinker or a wife beater or a president who abuses young women… denying that they have a problem. Of course the Clintons blamed Monica for Bill’s abuses — the 22-year-old victim made a very easy target.
Like client Y and so many other victims of psychological abuse and institutional betrayal, Monica also struggled with suicidal thoughts when she was in the midst of her trauma. The Truth is that Monica was never a threat to anyone but herself. This is true for 100% of the victims of this type of abuse.
Suicidal people are very rarely homicidal. Suicidal people are always the victims of extensive psychological abuse.
Suicides among domestic abuse victims surpass homicides
When the abuse comes from family members or trusted professionals who only pretend to care, the result is often completed suicided. If client Y was compelled to kill herself due to this current trauma, therapist X would be culpable.
Does any therapist want to live with that shame for the rest of their lives? I would hope not. Maybe it’s time therapist X and all her counterparts start paying attention to the heartbreaking stories of their suicidal clients instead of demonizing us for being human.
Hopefully a tragedy will be averted so this can be a learning experience for every professional and every victim involved in the ripples of trauma that are spreading out in every direction. As long as these lies are allowed to fester and grow, the ripples of trauma will encompass more and more of our community. As soon as truth, wisdom, and kindness prevail, we will begin to see healing for all.
To end this chapter of the story, let’s re-write all the other headlines above to be honest and humane.
Traumatized Woman Forcibly Removed By Police From Kripalu After Speaking the Truth Finally Has Her Day in Court
Traumatized Woman Removed From Dying Mother’s Bedside by a Cruel Head Nurse and an Ignorant Social Worker at Mayo Nursing Home Finally Has Her Day in Court
Woman Suffering From Years of Complex-PTSD Who Resigned After Being Abused by Leadership at Cambridge Health Alliance Somerville Hospital Finally Has Her Day in Court
Traumatized Woman Threatened With Trespass by Spark Central Leadership for Attempting to Protect Staff and Patrons From Further Harm Finally Has Her Day in Court
Abused Woman Expelled From Simmons University For Calling Out Discrimination in the Curriculum and Abusive Practices by Faculty and Staff Finally Has Her Day in Court
Traumatized Woman Denied Informed Consent and Involuntarily Committed to the Abusive Psychiatric System Finally Has Her Day in Court
If we can’t find relief through the legal system — and, sadly, it appears that we cannot, we will have to look for relief in the court of public opinion. This humble article is my attempt to protect people like client Y AND like therapist X from continued harm. She is me and I am her and we are all together. Let’s stop destroying each other. Let’s start standing up for each other so we can fight the oppressors together and find peace in our lifetimes.
Hopefully the main headline will read something like this as soon as people wake up to the Truth and see the harm in their ways.
