Raising Respectful Men is a Shared Responsibility
Today someone shared an Insta appeal in support of the news that New York state prosecutors say they will reopen a criminal enquiry into the gang rape of a woman at Cornell University in 2024. This brought back memories of the very disturbing and heartbreaking news of a young woman being gang raped while visiting a Cornell University frat house. I shuddered as I recalled the fear I felt when my 17 year old daughter had left home for college. Soon our WhatsApp group of women started having discussions on how us mothers need to educate our daughters and raise boys who respect woman.
And yet again, the burden of shaping sensible, respectful, and compassionate men fell on women! Mothers at home and women teachers in classrooms.
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But raising respectful men cannot be women’s job alone. Fathers, families, schools, communities, and society as a whole must step up. From films to prime time shows to late night comedians, everyone needs to contribute. Empathy, accountability, equality and compassion need to be modeled by the men around our boys, because that is what they absorb the most. Certainly more than what women around them have to say.
Let us raise boys who grow into men who know that respect is not something women have to teach them. It is something each one of them must model and uphold, whether or not they become fathers themselves.
Globally, according to the WHO, 1 in 3 women experience physical or sexual violence in their lifetimes, and the real number is likely higher because so much goes unreported. Boys are not spared either. UNICEF estimates that 1 in 5 girls and 1 in 7 boys experience sexual violence in childhood, and many never speak up. It was only yesterday that a friend told me that he and his sister were sexually violated by an adult in their childhood, but they both didn’t tell their parents about it until much later.
We can build a better society only if everyone chips in and beyond what women or parents alone can say. Fathers should uphold it. Schools should reinforce it. Communities must expect it. Public figures, from politics to sports to arts and entertainment, should lead by example. And every one of us must hold each other accountable.
