MONSTERVERSE MAYHEM

I Saw King Kong’s Wang

And I may never recover…

Depression has suddenly set in for me, too, big fella. Photo by Il Vagabiondo on Unsplash

I saw King Kong’s wang!!

Not in a movie.

Not in a fever dream.

It wasn’t even after accidentally clicking on the wrong link at 2am and regretting the consequences.

No, really. It wasn’t.

I saw it because my brain betrayed me during what began as an innocent conversation among friends about movie monsters.

In the midst of a heated debate about which version of King Kong would make the best house pet, someone asked:

How big do you think…(mildly inappropriate pointing) you know, King Kong would be?

Did nobody think of this before?

Really?

Nobody involved in the designing of a 300-foot gorilla stopped to consider what went on below the waist of such a behemoth?

So, naturally, we took the path that always begins with curiosity and ends with emotional trauma…

We did the math.

People, there are just some things that humanity in general was never meant to calculate.

• Nuclear fission
• How many parts in IKEA furniture are…