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Humor
Cracker Barrel Has Fallen
Saving the World’s Most Precious Landmark
We take no pleasure in reporting that Cracker Barrel has fallen. A once family friendly establishment has caved to the mob.” –Texas Family Project via Twitter
Decorated Secret Service agent Mike Banning (Gerry Butler) is finally getting used to retirement. After repeatedly saving the President, the nation, and whatever Geostorm was, he packed up his thick Maryland brogue and his last shreds of cartilage and traded in the badge for Topgolf, contact Pickleball, and poker with the boys. So much poker with the boys.
While driving, Mike hears his phone ping. “Probably just somebody trying to sell me an extended warranty on this perfectly distressed 1970s Ford Bronco” he mumbles in his gravelly Mid-Atlantic Highlands accent. He glances at the screen.
A Fox News alert: CRACKER BARREL HAS FALLEN.
Brow photogenically furrowed, he calls his old division chief. A bald, middle-aged Black man with a deep voice who you definitely remember from 24 or Jack Ryan or Bourne (Dennis Haysbert) answers. “I wondered how long it would take before you decided you couldn’t stay away. Let the young dogs handle this.”
“Is it true? Has it…” He shakily unbuttons his dusted-up henley a little more…
