Stop Being Your Own Enemy: The Power of Choosing Positive Thoughts
For a long time, I thought I had messed up my life.
I would look at my friends and see them doing incredible things. Some were working in Silicon Valley, some were building startups, some were travelling, making new friends, and seemingly enjoying every moment of their lives.
And then there was me.
I would look at their lives and compare them with mine. I would wonder why I wasn't doing something extraordinary, why I wasn't as successful, why I didn't have a great social life, and why I was still figuring things out.
Eventually, I became so afraid of talking to my friends that I started avoiding them.
I was scared they would ask me, "What are you doing these days?"
And I didn't know what to say.
I didn't want to lie, but I wasn't comfortable telling them the truth either. So I stopped talking.
But there was something strange about my behaviour. Although I had stopped talking to my friends, I hadn't stopped watching their lives.
Instagram became a window through which I watched everyone enjoying the life I wished I had.
Weekend trips, friendships, laughter, achievements, new opportunities.
Every time I looked, I felt a little worse about myself.
The search for something different
One day, I was sitting alone in my room, wondering what I could possibly do to make my life better.
I started meditating.
During that period, I began discovering things about myself that I had never really paid attention to.
I realised I was a good storyteller.
I had always enjoyed telling stories, making people laugh and expressing myself. So I decided to try something different.
I started attending open mics.
To my surprise, people actually loved my storytelling.
I was shocked.
For someone who had spent so much time questioning his abilities, receiving appreciation from strangers felt wonderful.
Then I thought, why not write?
I started writing blogs and sharing my thoughts.
For a moment, I felt like I had found something meaningful.
But a few months passed, and something was still missing.
I was still lonely. I was still frustrated. I was still comparing myself with others.
I had discovered things I enjoyed doing, but I hadn't figured out how to deal with the constant negativity inside my head.
The realisation that changed something inside me
I started listening to Gary Vaynerchuk.
One thing I gradually began noticing was how much time I spent thinking negatively about myself.
From the moment I woke up until I went to bed, my mind was occupied with regrets.
I would revisit my past, think about opportunities I had missed, question my decisions and imagine how different my life could have been if I had done certain things differently.
I was physically living in the present but mentally spending most of my time in the past.
And I was exhausted.
One day, out of sheer frustration, I decided to do something different.
I decided to think positively.
It sounds simple, doesn't it?
But for someone who has spent years criticising himself, thinking positively almost felt unnatural.
I had to push myself.
Whenever a negative thought appeared, I tried looking at things differently.
Instead of thinking, "I have wasted my life," I tried thinking, "I still have time to build something meaningful."
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Instead of thinking, "Everyone is ahead of me," I tried thinking, "Everyone has their own journey."
Instead of thinking, "I'm lonely," I tried thinking, "I can still build meaningful relationships."
Nothing changed externally.
My bank balance didn't increase. I didn't suddenly become successful. I didn't magically develop a social life.
But internally, something changed.
I felt lighter.
For the first time in a while, I wasn't constantly fighting with myself.
And that feeling was enough to make me realise something.
I don't believe in manifestation. I believe in the power of choosing your thoughts.
I want to be honest.
I cannot manifest things.
I'm not consistent. I cannot stay positive all the time. I still have bad days, moments of loneliness and occasional regrets about my past.
But I've understood one thing.
Negative thoughts can slowly take away your ability to live.
They make you question yourself, destroy your confidence, discourage you from taking action and eventually paralyse you.
You become so occupied with thinking about everything that went wrong that you stop doing anything about what could go right.
Positive thinking doesn't mean pretending that everything is perfect.
It doesn't mean ignoring your problems or convincing yourself that you're successful when you're not.
It simply means refusing to make every difficult situation worse by constantly attacking yourself.
You can acknowledge that you're struggling without deciding that you're a failure.
You can accept that you've made mistakes without spending the rest of your life punishing yourself for them.
You can be lonely today without believing that you'll always be lonely.
And perhaps most importantly, you can be happy for someone else's success without using it as evidence of your own failure.
One day at a time
I don't know where I'll be five years from now.
I don't know whether I'll become a successful entrepreneur, an actor, a writer or something completely different.
I don't know whether I'll achieve all the things I've imagined.
But I know that spending every day regretting my past isn't going to take me anywhere.
I want to experience life.
I want to meet people, tell stories, write, build things, fail, learn, laugh and create memories.
I don't want to spend my thirties looking back at my twenties and regretting how much time I spent feeling miserable.
I'm not saying I've figured everything out.
I'm still learning.
But I've made a decision: I don't want to be my own enemy anymore.
Because if there is one thing I've learned from this experience, it's this:
You might not be able to control everything that happens in your life, but you can learn to control how you respond to it.
You don't have to manifest a better life.
You don't have to become positive overnight.
You just have to stop convincing yourself that your life is over because things haven't worked out the way you imagined.
Think positively, take action, and give yourself another chance.
Because with negative thoughts, you end up losing the same battle every single day.
And with a little hope, perhaps you can find the strength to live another one.
Your life doesn't have to become extraordinary tomorrow. Sometimes, just being able to look forward to tomorrow is a victory in itself.
