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When You Realize You’re the Villain in the Story
On ego, shadow work, and the uncomfortable grace of owning your role
I recently had an experience that stopped me cold. In the middle of processing a conflict with someone, a thought crept in that I really didn’t want to sit with.
Wait. Am I the villain in this story?
Not the victim. Not the wronged party. The villain.
Let me explain how I got there.
The Moment It All Came to a Head
It started with a situation where I could’ve handled an interaction better. In the moment I was frazzled, reacting from how I perceived the other person rather than from a grounded place. Things came to a head and I got called out in a way that felt deeply uncomfortable and touched on a lot of triggers. There was definitely some ego involved, as often happens when we’re reacting from a place of insecurity, old wounds, and unexamined patterns.
My first instinct was to do what I’ve always done. Rant. Rave. Tell myself I was wronged. Retreat into myself to protect myself. And honestly, a part of me really wanted to stay there. It’s easier in that space. The victim role is familiar. It’s comfortable in a way that I’m not proud of.
