Still Becoming
Being a multi-passionate person is not easy.
I don’t just want one lane, and for a long time that confused people around me.
I’ve been told more than once that I need to “find myself.” Not in a cruel way, but in the way people say it when they think someone is scattered.
But the truth is, I’ve never felt scattered.
I’ve just always been curious.
My mind is creative, and ideas come naturally to me. Not random ideas, but things I genuinely care about.
Over the years I’ve done pageants, talent competitions, modelling, started and stopped businesses, taken part in reality TV, and now I’m stepping into acting.
When I list it all out like that, I can see how it might look chaotic from the outside.
But inside, it never felt chaotic.
It felt like exploration.
At university I studied advertising and marketing communications. I loved how varied the field was – public relations, social media, writing, websites, content creation.
But my first marketing job was a very difficult experience. There was bullying and racism, and it changed the way I saw corporate environments.
That’s a story for another day.
After I left that job, I moved into freelance marketing. At first I enjoyed it. But client work can be demanding, and there’s always a ceiling – only so many clients you can manage at once.
And if there aren’t enough clients, there isn’t enough income.
I also have a habit of giving “mates’ rates,” which probably doesn’t help.
Eventually I realised I had fallen out of love with doing marketing for clients. Now I only do it occasionally for friends or people connected to friends. It feels lighter that way.
Around that same time, I started building a course business focused on life skills.
Teaching had always quietly been one of my dream careers.
I noticed how many people struggle with everyday things – filling out forms, sending emails, dealing with administrative tasks.
Even growing up, I remember parents asking their children to handle those things for them.
I thought it would be nice to help people feel more confident in those areas.
I also briefly tried starting a virtual assistant business after seeing my cousin trying to run her business while raising two small children. I wanted to help lighten the load for people like her.
But running that kind of service properly requires consistency and availability, and with a full-time job it wasn’t easy to maintain.
Somewhere in the middle of all of that, I had a blog too.
Writing has always been something I’ve loved.
Looking back now, I can see a pattern.
I’m someone who creates.
I get excited about ideas. I explore them. I build things.
At one point I even considered starting a hair business, simply because I’ve always enjoyed doing hair.
Eventually I realised something important though.
I was stretching myself too thin.
So one day I made a decision that surprised even me.
I closed everything.
Every project. Every business idea. Every extra responsibility.
It had all quietly become too heavy.
I decided I would focus on my main job, and just one other thing alongside it.
Get CHRISTAL BARRYMORE’s stories in your inbox
Join Medium for free to get updates from this writer.
That “one other thing” was acting.
Most people don’t know that acting has always been a quiet passion of mine.
When I watch films, I’m not just watching the story. I’m watching the actors – their expressions, their body language, the way they deliver lines.
I find myself studying them.
When you tell people you want to be an actress, they often don’t take it seriously. It can sound unrealistic or glamorous in a way people dismiss.
But for me, it’s not about fame.
If fame ever comes with it, that’s fine. But what draws me in is the craft – the creativity of bringing characters to life and telling stories through performance.
So for now, that’s where my focus is.
Do I know if it will work out?
Honestly, I don’t.
But I’m enjoying the small opportunities I’ve been given so far, and I trust God to guide my path. He sees further than I ever could.
Recently I started journaling again.
That’s what eventually led me to Substack and then to Medium.
Something about these platforms feels simple. Minimal. Focused on writing rather than aesthetics.
It feels slower. More thoughtful. And I think that’s what I needed.
I didn’t want another platform that felt like a brand to maintain. I just wanted somewhere to write.
For a long time I’ve been building businesses, planning projects, growing in acting, managing my health, staying committed to my faith, and carrying a lot of responsibility in different areas of my life.
Sometimes I don’t need another strategy. Sometimes I just need a quiet place to think.
That’s what this space is. Not a business. Not a brand. Just somewhere my thoughts can land.
If nobody reads it, that’s okay. I still want to write.
At first I wondered if starting Substack was just another creative itch. But so far, it has actually made me feel lighter.
My old blog had a very different energy. It was about helping people, providing advice, sharing tips, staying consistent.
It was useful content. But useful content often comes with pressure.
Pressure to post. Pressure to add value. Pressure to keep showing up.
What I’m craving now is something different. Expression without obligation. Thinking out loud. Processing life as it happens.
No schedule. No strategy. No expectations.
If I write, I write. If I don’t, I don’t.
There’s something freeing about that.
I realised recently that I didn’t actually miss blogging. What I missed was having somewhere for my inner world to go.
Publishing here feels a little like exhaling. And if one day it starts to feel heavy again, I’ll pause. Not delete. Just pause.
Even though this is a public platform, I chose that intentionally. I don’t want to shrink my voice. In a strange way, that connects to acting too. Actors don’t rehearse in private forever. Eventually they step onto the stage.
For a long time I’ve been strong, responsible, capable, productive.
This space allows me to be softer. Less polished. More present. And courage isn’t always loud. Sometimes courage is simply speaking honestly.
Even here, I still have boundaries. I don’t have to share everything. I don’t have to explain every part of my life. I don’t have to post consistently.
Sharing my voice doesn’t mean surrendering my privacy.
So this space will stay light. Optional. Slow. Non-urgent.
If one day it stops feeling that way, I’ll step back. No drama. No guilt.
